Plot Run-Down of Prometheus

I just saw PROMETHEUS, and while it had a rough, cliched start, I really enjoyed myself...for the first half. Once the amazing cesarean scene is over and done with the film takes a nose dive into plot points so full of ambiguity that it's hard to stop asking yourself why anything is happening on screen.  

I know that there are some theories (one particularly popular) as to what was going on, but here's my thing: I won't listen to new information about the film from interviews with Ridley Scott. I don't care if the Engineers wanted to destroy the humans because we crucified Space Jockey Jesus. In the film, there is no mention of a Space Jockey Jesus. There aren't even hints at a Space Jockey Jesus. The reasoning behind their wish to destroy humans is clearly left a mystery considering it is the main question used for a jumping off point for another sequel if Ridley Scott or whoever decides to make one. So, to make this clear: Space Jockey Jesus doesn't exist because it is not in the film. I won't allow outside information to fill in the many gaps this films has. It HAS to be from the film. And it isn't. So I won't accept it.

And yes, when you look at only the film itself, it makes no sense. My first thought after walking out of the theater was, "I need to write all of the plot points down to make sure I'm not just confusing myself." So this is what this blog post is. It's something for me. I need the film on paper to see how nonsensical it really is.

1. Space Jockey (SJ) drinks mysterious black liquid. He disintegrates as his DNA is transformed into whatever it is and is washed away presumably to start the first step of that planet's biological evolution.
2. Shaw and Boyfriend discover another of a series of symbols from past empires/generations depicting the Space Jockey's pointing to the stars. They interpret this as an invitation. (So are we supposed to believe that the SJs are coming to Earth every now and then to invite us to a planet (that turns out isn't their home planet) where they create the weapons to destroy us?)
3. Everyone travels ("half a billion miles from Earth," says Vickers, which REALLY takes you only past Jupiter, but I will admit that that IS nitpicky) to the SJ planet that we were theoretically invited to.
4. They find a huge mound/fortress on the planet, and explore its insides. 
5. While navigating the tunnels, David, who has some understanding of the language, retraces the writing on the wall and an amazing hologram comes up that shows what happened to the SJs in that area. (Sure, I'll let the tracing the wall = hologram popping up. This is science fiction after all, so you have to let some unexplained technological things slide.)
6. They find the decapitated body of a SJ. David opens the door and inside are jars of the mysterious black goo and the SJ's head. Opening the door changes the atmosphere, which preserved everything inside, and thus things start the change. The mural disintegrates. The jars start to ooze out the goo. The head starts to decompose.
7. Punk Rocker Geologist and Friend freak out and leave. (Good thinking.)
8. Dangerous sand storm comes out of nowhere.
9. They grab the head, leave the fortress, and return to Prometheus. (By the way, no mention of the Punk Rocker Geologist and Friend, who we will find out later, hasn't showed up.)
10. Shaw (who is now well versed in human biology?) and Other Lady "make the nerves" of the head "believe it is still alive". Head explodes. (This I don't mind at all. Cool effect. Nice, gross explosion. Ultimately innocuous.)
11. Punk Rocker Geologist and Friend are lost. (NOW we realize this?) They travel to the previous room and find the black goo is everywhere and a penis-head monster. (Which appears for no reason. I assume it had always been there?) The penis-head monster breaks Friend's arm and shoves itself in the mouth. Punk Rocker Geologist's helmet gets smashed in from the penis-head monster and falls, getting black goo in his face.
12. We see David speaking to someone in cryostasis. (Weyland, clearly.) Wickers demands to know what he said and David refuses to say anything important.
13. David (under orders I assume, considering this sequence immediately follows his speaking with Weyland), messes with the black goo, and makes sure drunk Boyfriend consumes it. (This scene is intercutted with Shaw discovering the DNA samples match between the SJs and themselves.)
14. Boyfriend and Shaw have sex. (Because they love each other, aw). This is also when we learn that Shaw is barren. 
15. The next morning Boyfriend wakes up and goes to the mirror. He sees blood around his iris and then a worm jutting out. (Must be nothing. He doesn't mention it right then and there.)
16. Search party goes out looking for Punk Rocker Geologist and Friend who have mysteriously not contacted the ship, and find their dead bodies. (We also see that the penis-head monster is using Friend's esophagus as a new home).
17. Boyfriend gets exponentially sicker, and they rush him off back to Prometheus. 
18. Wickers, who logically realizes that Boyfriend is contaminated beyond repair, burns him. (Boyfriend even asked for it).
19. Next shot is Shaw in medical bay as David takes her cross (and puts it in his utility belt?) He informs her that she's pregnant, and not with a human child. So he wants to put her into cryostasis.
20. When Other Lady and another worker come up to put her in cryostasis, she runs away...
21. ...and is able to peform emergency c-section surgery without anyone else interfering. (Look, it's not like she knocked out Other Lady and the worker. They could have detained her easily. It took her several seconds to get into the medical machine. But that's not the main issue. The main issue is with the monster that comes out of her. This monster creates a whole mess of xenomorphic/human/SJ/biological problems.This is a being that is half human / half black goo infected human. This is a tentacle monster. What exactly does this goo do? It created us, right? Wasn't the purpose of the first sequence to inform us that it creates new DNA? But what exactly in humans makes this tentacle monster appear? If we came from the SJs+goo, then why at the end of the film, does the xenomorph come from SJ+Spawn of Human+Goo Infested Human? 
22. Then Punk Rocker Geologist, alive now, (Is the black goo the cause of this? Why isn't HE some tentacle monster?) drags himself to the ship where he proceeds to go nuts on everyone with super human (Dare I say, Engineer-like?) strength, but is killed when he is run over and set on fire.
23. Shaw, after her traumatizing surgery opens a door to see Weyland alive and on the ship. (She's able to just walk in on him without any fuss. She just opens the door. And David says, "I didn't think you'd have it in you,"  meaning the surgery. What the hell is he talking about? Was this some sort of test for Shaw from David? Did he plan on this happening? Is that why he kept the tentacle monster inside her? To see if she'd perform a c-section like that? Why? What was the purpose of him saying that? What the hell, David! And, plus, if you know about the surgery, why aren't you questioning what happened to the tentacle monster? Why is no one else mentioning it?)
24. Weyland, David, and Shaw decide to meet the one living SJ to ask him some questions. (Why is he the only living one? Did he put himself in cryostasis when the shit hit the fan?)
25. We learn that Theron's dad is Weyland! (Why do we care?)
26. The Captain tells Shaw that this planet was really a place to manufacture weapons for the destruction of the human race. (So the black goo is a weapon? How is this possible? I know "if one wants to create they must sometimes first destroy," but really? We've already seen what happens when humans are infected with the black goo: they get stronger and crazier. This seems ineffective.)
27. So Weyland gets suited up and off they go.
28. David wakes up SJ with a space flute or something.
29. SJ emerges, then once he finds out he's dealing with humans he goes apeshit on their asses. 
30. Shaw runs away. Weyland dies. Fassbender is decapitated.
31. The SJ spaceship (that has been under the fortress this whole time)  is about to take off for Earth. (Ah, we finally see the SJ in the famous chair from Alien.)
32. Shaw tells the Captain what is happening. He understands and Theron runs away to the escape pod.
33. Captain runs into SJ spaceship. (Here we are to believe that the SJ dies in his chair, waiting for the characters of Alien to find him.)
34. SJ ship falls. Theron runs under the ship, ensuring her, at one time, logical ass to get crushed. Shaw rolls three body revolutions and is safe. (A potential tense scene is ruined by common sense.)
35. Shaw runs to the escape pod, where her tentacle fetus has grown. (As quickly as a Xenomorph.)
36. SJ goes to escape pod for whatever reason. (I guess to pilot it? Even though there are plenty of other SJ spaceships around we learn later on?)
37. Shaw's tentacle monster turns out to be a super face hugger and impregnates SJ.
38. Shaw meets up with Fassbender to use the other ships around the planet so they can meet the engineers even though they clearly want to kill them. (But dammit, they NEED to know what they did that caused the SJs to want to destroy them!)
39. Xenomorph is born from SJ. (Making Xenomorphs the babies of humans/goo humans/space jockeys.)
40. Then End (What just happened?)

Having written all of this down, it's clear where my main problem lies: with the black goo. It is, to me, one of the most vital parts of the story, but we are given absolutely no real information on it except that it changes DNA. Because it is such a vital part of the film, I need to know more about it. Unfortunately, the film never tells us exactly what it is. Is it a weapon? Is it the human race? Is it the Xenomorph? Is it destruction? Is it Creation? Ultimately, it's whatever the writers want it to be. And that's just lazy.